Suffer not from the duty of selfish sadness for me
Pray with blessed sadness for what I have suffered
Who are you?
Lying by the side of me
As I breathe my last breath
Wherever is the one that I could love?
For I’m afraid of dying once again, unattended
That lifetime of mine just passed you by, unnoticed
But I kept on following your path
What is there now where I’m going?
I see nothing from sugar overdose
And smell nothing like bitter and sweet chocolate
Soft poison of careless love
There is this feel of a hand though
As I panic from rebel breath
It tries to comfort me and I calm down for a while
Though it pushed me away sometimes
In the good old days when your love was eternal
But then I do feel some pain, still
And the hand is over me again
It tries to soothe me and I calm down for a while
Though it pushed me away sometimes
In the days when you didn’t find my life so interminable
Now that my time is over, take this time to love
The one that loves you, still —
If I could sense you, a smell, a voice, whatever —
Quietly and kindly
Everything is so calm indeed
Where are you, whom I love?
Is it you lying by the side of me?
For I’m afraid of dying for good unattended
Tell me you care and I will leave without a fuss
I’ll do anyway, I cannot fight my fate
Lie by the side of me if it’s you
Hold me tight and warm me up
My broken bones and my broken hearts
They were my life and they were my fate
I leave no will and no offspring for my eternity
And here I am
With no future for the sake of a line to die for
And no expectations of hopes I never sought in a lifetime
No, none of those whims of wishes, unknown to gratuitous hearts
Nothing, but water and you
For what is left alas —
Infested flesh or dried and drunk up blood —
I am not hungry and I am not thirsty
For I’ve lost the teeth for minced matter
And I have lost the taste of fresh water
There is nothing now to do but wait
But you have fallen asleep
We’ll miss our goodbyes
I know somehow you are here, somewhere
You know I cannot wait more, and you won’t wake up
So I’ll let you where I’m not allowed
On wooden floor and precautious comfort
Where my life spills in wasted water, unwelcome
But you should know
Before I forget, before I’m too busy dying
That I must have loved someone some time
Maybe you
Whoever you are and whoever I was
For no special reasons but you
Build me a grave then that will live in your heart
For I’m afraid of leaving home
In memory of the 2nd of May, 2016